A Valentine's Day Meditation





This is my Love Bunny.  Yes, that is its name.  Don't judge.



My guy gave it to me 28 years ago, when he first told me he loved me.  He wanted me to remember that moment, that sweet moment, that first hint that this rather stoic academic I was falling in love with was actually super sentimental. 

Those early years  … Oh gosh, we were clueless.  We were in love, sure, but pretty much always trying to impress each other, which is maybe just committed infatuation?  

Once actual Real Life started happening, everything changed; it was raw and messy and no one was impressed with anyone ever and it was mostly about survival:  3 babies; 5 more in heaven; moves; financial stress and disagreement; family far away;  me: lonely and alone with the kids while he constantly traveled for work; him: lonely and missing us and missing out while he was on the road; the sudden deaths of our fathers; medical scares; scary diagnoses; learning difference diagnoses; job stress; kid drama … Life. 

We got to know each other really well in those years, and not in a romantic, air-brushed way AT ALL.  And we didn’t always like what we learned about each other … I could be a flake; he could be terse … I could be manipulative; he could be passive-aggressive …. We both pretty much insisted on winning an argument, so you can imagine what those arguments were like.

The Love Bunny has lived on our bed through it all.  It has been barfed on, peed on, chewed on by the dogs … It’s no longer fluffy and soft.  It's missing some stuffing, it’s been washed and re-washed and ripped and badly repaired.  It has been a silent witness to hissed arguments and chilling stillness.

But every morning that ridiculous bunny is back on our bed--a reminder of a moment, of a promise.  He loves me, and I love him, even on the days when he’s really not lovable at all, and especially on the days when I’m not either.  It’s the Greek Chorus of our lives … yeah, he can be selfish sometimes, but you love him, remember?  She can be controlling sometimes, but you love her, remember?

He gave me a new Love Bunny on our 25th anniversary.



I was charmed by the first bunny and was also aware that I looked cute when I thanked him for it—trying to charm him as I was being charmed.  This new one?  I was overcome and ugly-cried.  This new bunny represents so much more than the easy words “I love you.”  It represents a life together—all of the things we thought we knew. All of the things we know now.  And all of the things we know we'll know someday, for better or for worse.   A whole life of being known well and loved well.  We are so grateful.



 

“To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God.”  
Timothy Keller

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