Lent 2022, Day 9

 

How abundant are the good things

  that you have stored up for those who fear you,

that you bestow in the sight of all,

  on those who take refuge in you.

Psalm 31:19


I woke up early this morning, thinking about dogs. It’s rather sad. We’ve been away from them for almost a week. They are doing doing just fine, as am I, but I miss them! I miss my gentle Calvin and my ridiculous Feynman and my difficult Libby. Ken loves me well, but sometimes he does not gaze at me lovingly, and he doesn’t usually follow me around the house, and as far as I know, he has never waited by the door, staring out the window, while I’m gone. (If he starts to do any of these things, rest assured that we will seek immediate professional help.) 

That’s the thing about dogs—they can’t speak to us, but they can absolutely communicate, and mine communicate love and need all day long. Calvin and Feynman also communicate their confidence in their place—they know they belong. Libby, on the other hand, still sometimes flinches when a hand is raised or an item is picked up, and she often slinks away when there is a lot of activity. When she flinches at me, clearly afraid that I am going to hurt her, it’s heartbreaking. I tell her, over and over, that I will NEVER hurt her, never send her away, and she wags and snuggles up to me gratefully, but I know that she will be afraid of me, just for a moment, next time. And there’s nothing I can do about it but hope that time and consistency (and Prozac and CBD and professional training) will help heal her trauma and give her a deep sense of belonging. Abundance waits … not even waits—is here—if she can only see it and believe. If I can only see it and believe.

 



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